Consequently, I became a vegetarian. After 3 months, I had lost a little weight, but only felt slightly better. I had my cholesterol checked and it only went down by a few points. I Still had the heart palpitations, and I was miserable because I really missed eating meat. Disappointed, I relapsed back to my normal eating for about two months.

Then I read something about how the fat from animals can actually lower your bad cholesterol, and that high cholesterol can be a result of eating vegetables! So I decided as an experiment to become the opposite of a vegetarian: I am now a “strict carnivore.” That is, I only eat it if it came from an animal. So, for the last three months, I’ve been eating eggs and bacon fried in butter for breakfast and steaks and pot roasts and pork chops for lunch and dinner. Of course, I’m perfectly content to eat this way (I love bacon!), but I was really worried about how this would affect my cholesterol. Those words, “cardiac event” keep ringing in my ears. So last week, I had my cholesterol checked again.

Below is a voice message from my Doctor.

I’ve never heard my docotor this happy before! This is the same man who took the Lord’s name in vain when discussing cholesterol, now he’s practically giddy. I’m almost afraid to tell him that I owe it all to bacon and butter! On top of it all, I’ve lost weight, I feel better, and I don’t have the heart palpitations.

I went inside to check it out.  On the first floor there were about 50 cardio machines, an indoor basketball court, a swimming pool, an aerobics room, and exactly one person running on a treadmill.

I went up the stairs to the free weight room, and there was not a soul up there. I was standing in a brand new 24 Hour Fitness Sport and there was only one other person in the whole place and she was downstairs. I was definitely going to savor this moment. I went over to the bench press. It was perfect. No scratches in the paint or tears in the bench covering. Brand new. All the plates were perfectly new as well and stacked neatly in order. I did not see another person the entire workout.

I was the first person at the new gym and it was all that I hoped it would be. I got to break in brand new equipment and be the first to person to sweat on stuff. I pretended that I lived in a castle with it’s own private gymnasium. And best of all, “New gym smell” which, by the way, smells a bit like fresh paint, new rubber, and just a hint of chain oil.

Fast forward to this morning at 5:58am when I jogged up to the door of the gym. I had to see what kind of lunatics would show up at the 6am grand opening of a 24 Hour Fitness. When I got close, I noticed it looked worse than it did the night before. Big boxes were blocking the doorway, plastic wrap was still on treadmills, and there were still no posted hours. I also noticed that the only other people showing up were construction workers working on the adjacent parking garage that is still being built. Naturally, I assumed they had not made their 6am opening deadline, and when I finally saw someone who worked there he told me that someone had given out wrong information, and the projection was more like 6 PM instead. I said, “Oh, so you meant you are open in 24 hours?” He wasn’t amused.

So It turns out the only lunatic who’d show up to a 6am grand opening of 24 Hour Fitness is yours truly. I’m sure people who know me would not be surprised, and in fact, might actually have seen this coming. Too bad, I was really looking forward to that “new gym smell” (whatever that smells like,) and being the very first person to sweat on something. Oh well, I guess there’s always tomorrow morning.

The experience overall wasn’t too bad, speaking relatively to having your blood drained by a machine, but the tough part was when the machine stops pulling, and kicks into reverse pushing room-temperature liquid back into your 98.6 degree body. At first I was trying to read a book, but once the cold creeped up my arm and I could feel it in the back of my neck I found myself reading the same word over and over again as if it had suddenly lost it’s meaning. I figured I was just a little distracted and discontinued reading for rest of the procedure. The feeling is defintely a cold and creepy one, but nothing even a squeemish person like myself can’t handle. There’s about 3 cycles of push/pull before it’s done and by the end I was freezing. They have heat pads and blankets and stuff so It’s not so bad, and after a couple of cookies and some juice I was feeling up to the drive home.

As I mentioned, It’s been a while since I’ve donated and everyone likes to tell stories about how they felt dizzy or passed out or whatever, but I never remember the loss of blood affecting me before. Well, maybe it was the augmented and returned plasma, but by the time I got home I was realizing something wasn’t right. I couldn’t tell if I was hot or cold. I got the chills, and then I started sweating. One minute I was turning up the A/C and then next I was getting a blanket from the closet. I eventually went to bed around 8:30 only to wake up around 9:45 drenched in sweat from my head all the way down to my tippy toes. I was literally lying in a puddle! I honestly have never sweat that much before. I checked the card they gave me and none of my symptoms were on the worry list, so I can only assume that it’s a natural reaction to the procedure.

Now, I’m not trying to dissuade anyone from giving blood here. It’s the right thing to do. And if you can do a little more, I recommend that too. But beware the ALYX! I was in quite a state afterwards, but I’m feeling OK now. I was even able to get on my bike and ride for a bit, that is, until another unfortunate event occured. But that’s another post…